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 "He says he loves me but won't kiss me"

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PostSubject: "He says he loves me but won't kiss me"   Wed Apr 16, 2008 6:28 am

Dear Dr. morei,

I've been seeing a guy on/off for about 4 years now. (Both 22) We were instantly attracted the day we met 6 yrs ago at work and that day he asked me out but I said no, don't get me wrong I should have, I had butterflies in my stomach but did not know anything about the guy and was scared.

We used to flirt like crazy with each other until he lost his job and I didn't see him for a year. We bumped into each other and things started happening despite the fact he was with someone. It ended with them but then I went to university so we both thought a relationship would be hard so we didn't get together.

Since then we have both been in relationships whilst being involved with each other, sometimes physically but mainly just emotionally, we would phone and text each other daily despite me being away at school. For the past year we have been unofficially seeing each other off and on, he says he doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now (he doesn't know why, he just doesn't). I've asked if he thinks we will ever have a relationship in the future and he just doesn't know but admitted if we did it would be great.

He constantly reassures me he cares for me and has strong feelings for me as I do him. We both say we don't want to lose each other as we have grown so close we regard each other as best friends. To add to the complication he says he doesn't like kissing. I know he has done so with his gfs (he says he didn't particularly like it then either) but he won't kiss me. We do everything but he can't give me a solid reason for this either, just says he doesn't particularly like it.

This and the non-commitment causes arguments and sometimes either one of us calls it a day saying we should just be platonic friends, every time we do we end up with each other again. I've walked away from the whole situation three times before, taking advice from friends, thinking it would be better for us. But because I class him as one of my best friends it hurts me, I don't want to give up such a good friendship. He refuses to give my things back and tells me it's because he doesn't want to let go. Each time I do this it hurts him badly and I don't want to do it again.

Is this guy stringing me along? I don't think so but why wont he kiss or commit to me? Is this normal? Should I stop reading too much into this and not need a label on our relationship?

I am happy with him the way things are but need a clearer view of if this is a lost cause or if there is a more secure future ahead.

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dr. morei

dr. morei

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PostSubject: Re: "He says he loves me but won't kiss me"   Thu Apr 17, 2008 7:39 am

Dear Confused

While I definitely think there is a strong mutual chemistry between you, until your friend comes to terms with his sexuality and his sexual preferences, you are going to feel like a bit of a yo yo.
He wants you badly but when you get close, he uses his girlfriend as an excuse to create distance.
This shows how ambivalent he is about intimacy in general! After all, look what he's doing to her.
Your friend has some serious issues not only in terms of his sexual choice but in terms of his ability to be intimate as well.
He has placed himself in the middle of a triangle in which no one really has him and in which he really has nobody!
This kind of push/pull creates a lot of anxiety and pain for everyone involved. How do you think his girlfriend would feel if she found out!
If she is his first love, he certainly isn't treating her well if he is cheating on her emotionally with you!
I will not tell you to move on but I will tell you that until this friend resolves his issues he will not be emotionally available to anyone.

The bottom line issue is that your involvement with someone you can't have makes it easy for you to avoid true intimacy with someone else.

The choice is yours.

Dr. Morei

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PostSubject: Re: "He says he loves me but won't kiss me"   Mon Jan 05, 2009 10:03 pm

iīm not dr. morei i know Smile
but i think....
in your hearts is love, and he will be more open when you donīt press on him, he have a psychical problem with onself and you should be placable and have patience...mebye he have this problem from some relationship, you can be lucky but you must work on yourself together....
i wish you a lot of luck Exclamation T.
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